Ambrose Bierce
“Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have.”
“Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think what we think.”
“Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.”
“Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
“Politics, n. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.”
“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”
“Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”
“Lawyer, n. One skilled in the circumvention of the law.”
“Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.”
“Love, n. A temporary insanity, curable by marriage.”
“Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.”