“Land, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.”
“Labor, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property of B.”
“Kleptomaniac, n. A rich thief.”
“Kilt, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen [sic] in America and Americans in Scotland.”
“Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.”
“Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.”
“In'ards, n. pl. The stomach, heart, soul, and other bowels.”
“Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.”
“Incompossible, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both — as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man.”
“Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.”
“Helpmate, n. A wife, or bitter half.”
“Heaven, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.”
“Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.”
“Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”
“Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.”
“Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.”
“Gallows, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven.”
“Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense”
“Freebooter, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.”